A Fairy Tale in Fall
Roaming on the path among the tree， I threw my entiment into the blue ky， which landed on the ground of my Alma Mater，and brought me back to the day three year ago。
That wa a day in fall， that wa a fall in my heart。 Shatter wung in the air， jut like golden butterflie dancing in the breeze。 The unet cat her afterglow on the ground， a well a on her dazzling pink face。 After a long ilence， I looked into her clear eye， whipered to her that I wondered whether I had a poition in her future。 She thought it for a while， walking back and forth。 I noticed he trembled lip everal time and let out no word。 Finally， he turned to me and flahed a wry mile:"Sorfy， I feel that ditance make beauty， Let' jut be good friend。" I could never forget that entence， jut like a bolt from the blue。 It hit me like a thouand knive tabbing all over my body。 I couldn't breathe， I couldn't think， at leat not about anything but the pain。 Gazing at her receding figure， I couldn't top tear wetting my pale cheek。 The tale ended with the girl' diappearance from my ight。
Now fall come again。 I left myelf nothing but the broken memorie。
简 评
乍看题目，似乎觉得作者准备写一篇神话故事，或跟神话有关的话题。这里作者写的是另类“维纳斯”。爱神看不见，摸不着，却又无处不在。[由www.haoZuowen.Com整理]
作者采取倒叙的手法，展示了令人难忘的感情历程。秋天本是收获的季节，作者选择这个时候向意中人表露心迹，耐人寻味。微风习习，夕阳西下，心爱的女神近在眼前，却又是那么遥不可及。当作者以试探的口吻将藏在心中很久的心事说出来以后，得到的回答却使作者大失所望。难怪作者至今还念念不忘那段不堪回首的往事。
作者驾驭语言的能力较强，在That wa a day ln fall，that wa afall ln my heart中用了两次fall，但一词多义，十分恰当。作者还应该进一步锤炼语言运用的能力，不断提高语言素养。