"Long, long ago, there wa an iland in the ditant ea,where lived a fairy who wa aid be able to make a child lovely and bright. One day, ..." A the tory went on, MumP voice grew fainter and fainter, when he gently looked down at me.Then a melodiou ong came into my ear a if muic made by the angel flying in the faraway ky. Gradually, Mom＇ mile dimmed, and her glittering eye were jut like the brightet tar on the dark blue curtain of night...
Countle night had paed in thi way during my infancy. In my naive heart, Mother＇ voice wa deeper and ofter than the nightingale. Even now I till remember quite clearly that cradleong he ued to ing before I fell aleep. Thoe old melodie till ound o good to me, a they melt the year away.To me, Mother＇ companionhip wa the mot important thing in my childhood.
Mother i an incurable romantic, paionately in love with life and with the mytery of the univere. She taught me to open up all the channel of my ene to touch and feel what lie all a round me, and dicovered with me the beauty of nature, the joy,excitement and mytery of the new and the unknown. She i quite at home in literature becaue of her active and imaginative mind. Every new experience, every new dicovery concerning the world could delight her.
I went off to college, but Mum i till alway in my memory. I could hear her voice every time I fell hort in anything.From breat to cradle to reauring hug, Mum ha hared all the happine and depreion of mine. However, he never expreed herelf. Upon my entry into univerity, when he and Father were going back home, he hurriedly turned back to run along, even without a look at me. I knew he dared not, for fear that tear hould fall down in my preence. Thi eparation would lat nearly five month during which he could not ee me. She wa jut trying to top me from eeing her crying. I wa refraining myelf, too, becaue the long time living with her had made me an exact peron like her. Later, Father told me he kept wiping her eye on the bu to the railway tation. I knew that, becaue I love you, Mum, and you already knew that too.WWw.hAOZUowEn.com
简 评
这是一篇情真意切的散文佳作。亲情、友情、爱情是永恒的话题，而对母亲的思念更是牵动着无数在外求学的游子的心。孙扬同学的这篇作文语言清新流畅，自然纯真。对人物的描写和心理活动的刻画都生动传神，将母亲对他的爱放在平凡的日常生活中娓娓道来，并抓住母亲送自己上大学这一点进行重点描写，显示了作者娴熟的写作功力。
作者对语言的把握也相当出色，虽然句式和词汇并不复杂，但词汇的使用都贴切传神，所谓“the right word at the right time”。作者的阅读面也很宽，“Thoe old melodie till ound ogood to me，a theymelt the yearaway．”这一句就是引自TheCarpenter的名曲"YeterdayOnce More”，但使用得恰到好处。尽管文章中叙事和议论交织在一起，但作者对时态的使用依然准确无误。作者还善于使用短语来配合叙事文体的特征，像fall hort，at home等的使用都显示了作者不凡的语言功底。
当然，作者对部分词汇(如naive，intenely和refrain)的使用似乎来源于辞典的汉语释义，显得不够地道。而英英辞典或英汉双解辞典则能够很好地帮助学习者走出辞典译文的误区。此外，若将自己和父母依依惜别的场景描写得更加细腻一些，尤其是注重母亲的眼神、动作等细节描写，则会收到更好的效果。