Growing up in a modet village in China，I hardly ever had the chance to ee many example of modern technology;people who dig well by hand to obtain drinking water and ue ox-driven plow to cultivate their field dont have much ue for televiion and peronal computer。 But when my father gave me an old radio to play with，I wanted nothing more than to take apart the contraption and ee what inide made uch intereting ound。Sitting on the floor with a confued grin，urrounded by wire and metal， I looked up at my father and aked where the noie were...
合理地阐述了申请者学习电子工程的动机，学习动机是评审委员非常看中的。同时，读了这段文字，会使读者沉浸在对童年往事的美好回忆里，借此打动评审委员的心。
另外一篇修改过的文章开头用诗一般的语言写道：
I firt read thi paragraph from Madame Curie a a 14-year-old child， and I till remember how wonderful I felt.I remember thinking，What eteemed men they were!How hard they worked! A I grew older，thi paragraph became a ource of encouragement in the face of adverity。I begin to feel a magical blue light twinkling in my heart，kindling a love of cience，and encouraging me to charge bravely into the unknown world.