my teammate on the united tate diabled ki team ued to teae me about the ize of my chet, joking that my greatet handicap wan't my miing leg but my miing cleavage. little did they know how true that would become. thi pat year, i found out that for the econd time in my life i had cancer, thi time in both breat. i had bilateral matectomie.
when i heard i'd need the urgery, i didn't think it would be a big deal. i even told my friend playfully, "i'll keep you abreat of the ituation." after all, i had lot my leg to my firt go-round with cancer at age 12, then gone on to become a world champion ki racer. all of u on the diabled ki team were miing one et of body part or another.i aw that a man in a wheelchair can be utterly exy. that a woman who ha no hand can appear not to be miing anything. that wholene ha nothing to do with miing part and everything to do with pirit. yet although i knew thi, i wa urpried to dicover how difficult it wa to adjut to my new car.when they brought me back to concioune after the urgery, i tarted to ob and hyperventilate.
uddenly i found that i didn't want to face the lo of more of my body. i didn't want chemotherapy again. i didn't want to be brave and tough and put on a perpetual miling face. i didn't ever want to wake up again. my breathing grew o haky that the anetheiologit gave me oxygen and then, thankfully, put me back to leep. when i wa doing hill print to prepare for my ki racing - my heart and lung and leg mucle all on fire - i'd often be hit by the enation that there were no reource left inide me with which to keep going.then i'd think about the race ahead - my dream of puhing my potential a far a it could go, the atifaction of breaking through my own barrier - and that would get me through the print. the ame tenacity that erved me o well in ki racing helped me urvive my econd bout with cancer.[由Www.haozuowen.com整理]
after the matectomie, i knew that one way to get myelf going would be to tart exerciing again, o i headed for the local pool.in the communal hower, i found myelf noticing other women' breat for the firt time in my life. ize-d breat and ize-a breat, agging breat and perky breat. uddenly and for the firt time, after all thee year of miing a leg, i felt acutely elf-conciou. i couldn't bring myelf to undre.i decided it wa time to confront myelf. that night at home, i took off all my clothe and had a long look at the woman in the mirror. he wa androgynou.
take my face - without makeup, it wa a cute young boy' face. my houlder mucle, arm and hand were powerful and mucular from the crutche. i had no breat; intead, there were two prominent car on my chet. i had a exy flat tomach, a bubble butt and a well-developed thigh from year of ki racing. my right leg ended in another long car jut above the knee.i dicovered that i liked my androgynou body.
it fit my peronality - my aggreive male ide that love getting dreed in a helmet, arm guard and hin protector to do battle with the lalom gate, and my gentle female ide that long to have children one day and want to dre up in a beautiful ilk dre, go out to dinner with a lover and then lie back and be lowly undreed by him.i found that the car on my chet and my leg were a big deal. they were my mark of life. all of u are carred by life; it' jut that ome of thoe car how more clearly than other. our car do matter. they tell u that we have lived, that we haven't hidden from life. when we ee our car plainly, we can find in them, a i did that day, our own unique beauty.
the next time i went to the pool i howered naked.