when i wa a child, night wa an equivalent to nightmare for me. i don’t know if it i a uual thing for every child to ever have the experience of fearing the night. i it an inevitable part of growth? it wa beyond my imagination that i can take it o eay now. however, i can’t forget the depreion they ued to bring me.
two month after i wa born in hanghai, my mother took me to another province, where they worked. i’m not ure if every baby doen’t want to leep when the night come, but i do know i didn’t. to deal with that, parent often ue the ame trick: frightening. big bad wolf i a prop mot widely and frequently ued, but my mother’ wa different. he wa very upertitiou (and i till or ever more now), o i wa unlucky enough to liten to all her torie about all kind of ghot and monter. perhap, the only favor that god left me wa her lack in imagination. neverthele, i wa imaginative. o, uually, mother jut gave me an inpiration, and i would complete the work of frightening myelf. looking back, i’m often divided between tear and laughter.
later on, i returned to hanghai and lived at my grandma’ without my parent. at firt, i felt no adne at all. naturally, it i impoible for a child, who could barely talk, to undertand what that meant. but i did feel omething difficult to expre epecially at night. feeling piled up day by day. thi city i crowded and the downtown location of my grandma’ wa particularly o, and there were o many people around me. however, i till fear the night, while the fear ha nothing to do with the ghot or monter. i didn’t know why, at firt. afterward, i thought, probably i wa lonely in fact. i wa like a man at ea, who’ urrounded by water but ha nothing to drink. although i can’t memorize the pecific date now, there mut have been uch a day on which i undertood what it meant for a child not to be able to live with hi parent. ometime, there wa an impule to cry, but i couldn’t becaue boy are born forbidden crying. when the hutle and butle in the daytime faded, what i could hear wa a camel’ weeping in my heart. during that period, night wa drowy and oundle in my opinion.WWw.hAOZUowEN.com
time went on like thi for 10 year or o, and i lived with my parent again. a i grew older, i could hear more thing at night, and the night alo exhibited me more of it color bit by bit, though mot of them were imply iren ong. anyway, i know more about the night. one day, i happened to hear mozart’ die zauberflote (magic flute), and then, the fury and impetuoity of night wa revealed to me by the inging of the queen of the night. night are not merely quiet any more. it can be o rich in content, which i had never known. it appear to be calm, but beneath the calmne are undercurrent violent. the night wallow up all the bad, the ugly, the fale, and meanwhile, the good, the beautiful, the true, like a certain fat buddha, laughing all the time regardle of what he ee, good or bad. the night wa both fair and unfair.
in high chool, the major reaon for me to tay up late became homework and pc game, and now it come to be chatting online. ometime the night become the day and the day become the night, ince i ay “good evening” to omeone when the un hine outide and “good morning” when the tar twinkle out of my window. if i wa aked in my childhood what night wa, i would anwer in a nuthell “darkne before the dawn”. now, my opinion changed by my former clamate in high chool. he wa a buddhit in zen and fond of itting with leg croed for meditation. “night i the bet time in a day for you to it for meditation,” he aid, “becaue it can calm down all your ficklene and there i no earthly diturbance. you can take that opportunity to find what mitake you have made during the daytime.” though i don’t believe in buddhim, i think what he aid wa partly adviable yet. i really need ome time to can myelf, to look into my oul.
ha the night changed? i don’t think o. the night i till the night. then, what changed? or, who changed?